A Word of Testimony
Rev. 12:11 "And they overcame him by the blood of the lamb...
and the Word of their testimony"
"Mr. Ozaeta, I'm sorry but we don't believe that we can save both your wife and your baby. I know this will be difficult but we need to know which one you want us to save."
The baby had already been in the womb for over 10 months, and for some reason which was unexplainable to the doctors, the baby did not want to come out. There were no medical reasons for this; perhaps the child already knew that the father was an alcoholic and was abusive; perhaps the child already knew it was not wanted and wanted to stay in the confines of its security; the womb. "Please save my wife", he said. After the procedure was over the doctor came into the waiting room with the good news. "We were able to save both. You have a little girl." The new father was disappointed. He wanted a boy.
A New Sister
As a child I didn't know if my dad knew my name. I was always referred to as that fat !@#cx$#/ When my sister was born, 4 1/2 years later, I remember being surprised that he knew her by name. There were times I would look for my sister and I would find her in my fathers arms. He would hold and love her. I remember vividly the softness and the smiles that would cross his face as he held her in his arms, or on his lap. I never saw that same softness, nor smile when he looked at me. In my heart I wanted him to hold me too, especially if while playing I got hurt. All I wanted from him was to say, "Gloria, it's alright, it'll be OK, " and then put his arms around me to comfort me, but when I'd go to him, he would just push me away and say, "You fat !#%@, go play in your room, or go help your mother!" Other times he would just pick me up by the hair and hit me. As a child I could not understand why he would turn from Dr. Jeckyl to Mr. Hyde. What had I done?
I have always been overweight, so in elementary school it was common for the other children to tease me. Children...they can be cruel with their words, as well as adults. When picking teams for sports, I use to be the kid no one wanted. Two things were against me: I was spanish; or so they classified me. Only 3 in the entire school; and I was overweight. This was an area that I knew that I had to overcome, so I learned quickly what it took to be accepted amongst my peers. I was good in sports, but for awhile I was never chosen.
Finding My Niche
One day I had to be picked. Soon everyone seem to forget, altho' momentarily, that I was fat. It was great. I soon became the captain of most sports games, and I began to choose my team mates, including the unwanted. I now knew how to take control. I had found my niche, how to be accepted.
I began to read, pour myself into academics and learn all that I could. I was blessed to have an above average IQ which made things so much easier for me. I began using the Ouija Board, Astral Projection and Witchcraft. I read Tarot Cards for my friends, and give astrological forecasts. I was good at it, and soon became very popular at what I could do. I thought, "Now perhaps Dad my would take notice." He did...but it wasn't in the way that I wanted him to. He was an alcoholic and it was getting way out of control.
Miss Goody-Two Shoes
In Jr. Hi and High School, I was a proverbial goody-two shoes! I belonged in a String Quartet playing for various occasions. I was 1st chair violinist, 2nd chair viola and alternating with the string bass in the Orchestra. I was a Girl Scout, singer in Madrigals, Thespian, Lettergirl in Tennis, Volleyball and Basketball, High School Bowling league. I had leads in Musicals such as: Oklahoma!, South Pacific, and Best of Broadway. I sang with a local college in a special choir singing at the L.A. Convention Center, and various colleges up the Coast of California. I sang in the Messiah twice, and played in the Orchestra once. Yes, I was a goody-two shoes!
With all that, no one could have guessed that my family home life was a living nightmare. I do remember some great times together. My dad loved to go to the air shows. They became my favorite. My dad provided well for the family, but his alcoholism was taking a toll on us. The Police were at our house at least 3 - 4 times a week. They eventually knew my Dad well.
Afraid
Everyone liked my Father. He was fun. He had great Navy stories. He received the Purple Heart in WWII. Nevertheless, the police just brought him home when he was inebriated. We had to contend with him when they left. My mother, 2 sisters, and our brother, all kids, would have to sneak out of the house one at a time, or crawl out of a window. Many times we slept at the beach to get away from his verbal and physical abuse. Other times we would put sleeping pills in his food or drink and wait for him to fall asleep. Other times I would awaken to hear my mother's screams. One time he had a very large knife to her throat and saying, "Tell me you love me or else!" I can no longer remember how many times this happened. There were so many that most of it all fades together now.
Fighting Back
When the fights began, being the oldest child, I had to take control of what was happening. I'd grab the nearest thing that I could just to make him stop. Most of the time my dad and I ended up in a physical fight on the floor. Once he did stab my mother so I knew he meant business. On another occasion he threw us kids outside and locked us out while he raped my mother. It didn't seem to bother him that we watched crying from outside the kitchen window...feeling helpless. He was always sorry in the morning.
My Mother eventually got up her courage and separated from my Father. I had done well academically in High School and skipped a year, graduated earlier. I was now 16 1/2 and it was time to PARTY! My Mom now 34, was ready too! She had been with my Father since she was 14 years old.
Turning to Drugs
In 1967 I was out of High School. The Hippie Era was in! I left being a goody-two shoe and began doing drugs. LSD was my favorite! We had parties galore and they were wild! How God watched over me! I took Acid (LSD) for 2 years straight almost daily. I even managed to go to a Jr. college part-time and work. I dealt drugs heavily. I'd go to Frisco (Haight-Ashbury) to buy drugs, then bring them on home and deal. I was on the Local "MOST WANTED TO CATCH" list by our local Police. They stopped me every week to search my car and person. I ended up in Jail twice, both 1 nighters. They were for only minor offenses. (Bench Warrant - Jaywalking, and plain drunk)
What a time it was! The Beatles, Joe Cocker; Led Zeppelin; Cream; Jimmy Hendrix; Janis Joplin; The Doors; Emerson, Lake & Palmer, Jethro Tull, Pink Floyd, Traffic, the Who, Psychedelic Freak-outs; strobe lights; black lights; drugs; work and college. The funny thing is here I was doing all this, yet, in school I was a Psych major. I wanted to be a Criminal Psychologist or a Parapsychologist!
I continued heavily in all aspects of the occult. I loved it, and was good at it. My accuracy always amazed my friends, and me as well. My, how I was deceived! Satan loves to counterfeit God's gifts!
Spirling Down Fast!
In December, 1971 my life-style began to spiral down fast! I started hanging out with some Hell's Angels. One night I had shot up a dime bag of speed and became pregnant by one of the bikers. I did not find this out until later in January. This was not good. I was living with another guy at the time. This guy had me wrapped around his fingers, even tho' I got pregnant by someone else. Drugs can do that to you!
One month later, January '72, I was found lying in the gutter on one of our main city streets. I went to jail for being drunk. One of the arresting officers use to be a friend of mine. Charlie's sister was in the musical Oklahoma! with me. Charlie later told me that I had sung "Oklahoma" and "Oh What a Beautiful Morning" all night long in the jail cell. I entertained the station all night singing! In a reverse, you could say that I had a captivated audience! To this day I do not remember that night or how I got there. My last memory was the guy I was living with & I playing cards drinking screw drivers in our bedroom. I've never had Tequila like that before. I also remember my torn clothes, being handcuffed, the Jail bus ride to Court, a black eye, and feeling very much ashamed.
Pregnant
2 weeks after the jail cell incident I went to a Health Clinic. This was the first time that I learned that I was pregnant. I was encouraged by the medical personnel to have an abortion. I was scared and living with someone at the time who was not the father. Not knowing what to do I gave in to the abortion. It was the worst thing I had ever gone through emotionally. That same night I had the abortion I was released from Torrance Memorial Hospital, and what did I do? I partied for several days to hide the pain of what I had done. Where was God?? Why wouldn't He help me? I began talking to God daily trying to find out where He was! I felt rejected and all alone. Oh, but how I still clung on to that tough exterior that I had made for myself!
My Father's Death
A few weeks after the abortion I was still in for another shock. I was seeing my dad every so often. He hung out at bars and went in and out of recovery homes. One Friday night I looked for him, but couldn't find him. He wasn't at his usual hang out. Easter was on Sunday and I wanted to give him some money. On Saturday morning I was told by a relative that my dad had died the night before but his death had not yet been confirmed. He was listed as John Doe at a local mortuary. A relative was on the way to identify his body.
No one in my family wanted to call the mortuary. So I took it upon myself to make the call. My Mother and sisters stood there with me as I made the call. They were watching my expressions as I spoke and listened to the person on the other side...waiting for some kind of sign from me.
I was very businesslike, as if I were just ordering a Pizza. I didn't like what I was hearing from the man on the other side of the line. "Gloria, don't show any emotion!" I was hurting inside. I wanted to run, scream, cry and have someone hold me, to feel a friendly arm around me just to say it's alright, it'll be OK, let me comfort you, but I knew...it hasn't happened before, so what makes me think it'll happen now.
I couldn't allow my family to see me weaken or look saddened. I thanked the gentleman on the phone showing absolutely no emotion other than the polite thank you. As I hung up the phone I could sense that my family was relieved...until I turned and faced them and said, "Yes, it's him. He's dead".
Everyone in the room broke down except me. There was no where for me to run or hide. I wanted to scream inside, but instead I put my arms around each member of my family and said, "It's alright, it'll be OK", then I put my arms around them and comforted them instead.
He was John Doe because no one knew him. The night he died he had met a man, a stranger. My Dad told him that he was feeling sick and asked if he could just spend the night. He said OK. My Dad coughed through the night, but when the stranger went in to wake him at noon, he found that rigor mortis had already set in. I thank this kind stranger personally for the kindness he showed my father, especially when he didn't know him. My father would have died on the streets if it wasn't for this man. He didn't even know my Dad's whole name, only his first...John.
Where are you God?
My cries to God grew louder and louder! Where are you God? Are you out there?? I felt as if I existed within a liftless fog where the sun would never brush against my innermost being; just darkness; without love; isolated; rejected, and above all else...alone! My own father didn't love me. He was the only father I knew. He was my example, what I could only relate to. I tried everything I knew to make my father love me. It was never enough. Was God the same way?
Men...love your children. Hold them and tell them how precious and valuable they are to you while you are still able, especially to your daughters. You are the priest in your household and what you do and say is so critical. Uplift them, correct them, help them to have self-esteem. What you do will carry them the rest of their lives. It'll only take a few minutes a day to tell them with a smile, a touch, a special time set aside for them knowing they are worth it. Time passes by too quickly, and before you know it, they'll be grown up. God's love isn't earned. It was given freely and without measure by the spilling of His Sons' blood. It took me a long time to realize I didn't have to earn His love. God looked at me and died for me anyway because He looked beyond my faults and saw me perfected in His image!
The Coffee House
I continued to drink, party and talk to God. I always felt it was a one way conversation. One night, February 9th, 1973, while looking for a party, I saw a cute guy I use to know and thought, "Hmmmm maybe I'll get lucky!" He went into a Coffee House. I didn't know what that was at the time, but I heard some good music, so my sister, friend and I went in. Lo' and behold, I saw a lot of my old friends that I use to party with. What I didn't know was that they were now JESUS FREAKS! When I walked in I realized that I had been on another "Most Wanted to Catch" list. Out of curiosity I sat there and listened to the group playing. At the end they gave an invitation to accept Christ. All eyes turned towards me! What pressure! I wanted to stand up badly, but my pride would not let me. I was not weak. I wasn't going to use Jesus as a crutch. I was a Good Catholic! (Har Har)
I yelled at everyone who tried to witness to me. I told hem exactly what I thought in no uncertain terms. I used my best trucker's language! Only the best for these Jesus Freaks, but wouldn't you know it...they just loved me. That made me so mad, yet I felt so good on the inside...like I was in the presence of something holy. Well these Jesus Freaks ruined my whole night. I didn't want to party anymore. I went home instead.
In My Room
In the privacy of my own room I read the tracts they gave me. I looked up at the ceiling and bean to cry. All the hurt that I had gone thru' all those years began to surface. The pain in my heart was so overwhelming I couldn't bare it. Something or someone had dared to tear down a piece of the wall that had taken me so many years to build around me.
Something inside me knew that what they were telling me was true. I needed Jesus. I cried out and said, "God if you're out there and you are real...I need you. Take my life and do what you will with it." I asked Jesus into my heart. Then my Heavenly Father put His loving arms around me and said, "My daughter, it's alright, it'll be OK, let me comfort you for I love you with an everlasting love."
I wish I could say that after that night all was ecstatic, because it wasn't. The next month was the battle for my life. Satan was not willing to let me go without a fight. He put up a great struggle, but of course, we all know who won! It was won 2,000 years ago!
My walk with Jesus since that night, Feb. 9th, 1973 has been ...well..that's another long story...many battles, sometimes wounded, but the victories have been awesome! I am very happily married to a wonderful Godly husband with 2 wonderful children that love the Lord!
Since Christ came into my life I have forgiven my Father. God has shown me and has helped me to understand what it was that had motivated and had bound him for so many years. He died at 46 years of age of Cirrhosis of the Liver. In some ways I have to thank him for making me such a strong person today. It is my desire that when it is time for me to cross over, he too will be there. I love you Dad!
"I Have Loved Thee with an Everlasting Love,
Therefore with Loving kindness I have drawn thee." Jer. 31:3
"He hath made me accepted in the beloved." Eph. 1:6
If you don't know Jesus as your personal savior, ask Him to forgive your sins, believe on Him and confess Him as your own personal Savior today! You will be changed and all things will become new. Jesus loves you, and He wishes that no man will perish. It's up to you. Do it now! Today is the day of your salvation.
Return to Jesus Is Lord!